There was a period where I felt like I constantly owed people explanations. Why I was quiet. Why I communicated differently. Why I did things a certain way. Why I was the way I was. It was exhausting, and it also didn't really help — the explanations rarely landed the way I hoped.
The thing about explaining yourself
Explaining yourself assumes the other person is open to updating their understanding based on what you tell them. Sometimes that's true. A lot of the time, people who are confused or critical about you aren't actually asking for information — they've already formed an opinion and the question is rhetorical. Explaining yourself into that gap costs you energy and changes nothing.
Being autistic specifically
A lot of the things I used to feel like I had to explain — the way I communicate, the selective mutism, the hyperfocus, the need for controlled environments — aren't things most people have a reference point for. Explaining them is a full education that I'm not always equipped to deliver, especially in real time. At some point I started just not, and the world didn't end.
What changed
Partly it was just getting older and having less energy for it. Partly it was realising that my need to explain myself was often about managing other people's discomfort rather than my own — trying to smooth things over, make myself legible, take responsibility for the fact that I'm different. That's a lot of labour to take on. I stopped taking it on as much.
It doesn't mean I don't explain things to people I'm close to, or in contexts where it's actually useful. It means I stopped feeling obligated to justify my existence to anyone who looked confused by it.
The practical result
Turns out most things resolve themselves without the explanation. People either figure it out, adapt, or they don't and they were never going to. The energy I used to spend on explanations goes somewhere better now — mostly into building things and talking to people who already get it.